Are You Your Own Worst Enemy? Recognizing the Red Flags of Self-Sabotage
An excerpt from my book, Reclaiming Your Brilliance: 7 Steps to Embracing Your Truth and Living Your Purpose
Finally! You get the perfect opportunity, the one that you’ve been waiting for. The thing that will put you in perfect position to reach more people, change more lives and grow your wealth.
You get excited. You start imagining just how awesome everything is going to be. You tell everyone about this great opportunity that has landed at your feet. You start planning and preparing, doing the work to make the most of this open door.
And then you hear it.
It starts off as a whisper and steadily grows to a roar that fills your head with a hundred thoughts of why it will never work. Your light-hearted enthusiasm turns into a knot in your stomach and tension in your shoulders. Before you know it, you are at a fork in the road. Both forks lead to your opportunity but one path is lined with light, self-confidence, and self-love. The other path is dark, lined with pointy-edged criticisms and self-sabotage. The only problem is it can be hard for you to see the difference, until it’s too late.
Here are five red flags that you are on a path to self-sabotage:
You’re setting your expectations low
Settling for less than what you want means you stop short of unleashing your fullest potential. Maybe you settle for less to avoid the disappointment of failure. Other times, you settle simply because you lack awareness of your own strength. Begin testing your strength by going out of your comfort zone. Instead of running from your fears, face them. Your fear is the biggest obstacle between you and your purpose.
You’re feeling sorry for yourself
If you feeling like something is missing from your life, do something about it. Instead of dwelling on what could have been or focusing on the unfortunate hand you’ve been dealt, look for the lessons you can learn. Focus on your options and possible solutions. Allow those unfortunate situations to steer you toward success, instead of deterring you from pursuing your purpose. Your success is your responsibility. Hold yourself accountable for the results you want.
You don’t have a second plan
If your initial plan gives you less than desired results, your only chance at success is your ability to adapt. Everyone needs a Plan B. Keep in mind it’s not the destination, but the plan for how to get there that’s changing. You may feel like a pessimist by creating a back-up plan, but you are actually being proactive. Coming up with another way to reach your goals shows resilience and tenacity. It means you’re serious about pursuing your purpose no matter what.
You refuse to rely on your support system.
Being independent, resourceful, and responsible is great. And there’s also value in knowing how to lean on others when you need to. Don’t go it alone. At the very least you need cheerleaders to help drown out your inner gremlin and remind you that it is safe to dream big and pursue your purpose. If you know that self-sabotage is something that repeatedly creeps on your path, ask your inner circle of supporters to be on the look out for invading thoughts and distracting behaviors.
You’re depending too much on others.
It’s great to have a support system, but be careful not to make them your crutch. When you automatically expect help from others, or anticipate that others will bail you out of a tough situation, you’re expecting too much. Ultimately, you are responsible for your success. Even if your friends and family have helped you in the past, they have the right and may choose to let you handle your own challenges and support you from a distance.
The Solution: Stop Being Your Own Worst Enemy
Being aware of self-sabotaging behaviors is half the battle. Until you decide that you are capable of and deserving of success, you will continue to be the biggest hinderance in fulfilling your purpose. Want to make sure you stay on the right path?
- Be on the look out for the red flags listed above.
- Pay close attention to the fears and negative thought patterns you are holding onto about success, and
- Change your inner game by replacing “stinking thinking” with solution-oriented affirmations that better reflect your brilliance.